Life

More than to the pages of her diary, it is to her friend Anna that she is revealing the restlessness of her spirit. " I, too, am thirsty for peace and I wish to abandon the waves of the sea and find refuge in the peace of a haven. But my boat is fragile, my sails are torn apart by lightning, the oars are broken and the current is pulling me far away."

Benedetta knows the cold of scepticism, the blind fear of emptiness and she asks for help: "Anna, if only you would know how much I need your help. I wish the truth, I wish only this, yet nobody knows it."

But the Truth, that she is looking for, is beginning to make itself heard in the voice of her soul. The tempest is slowly coming to an end. This dramatic human experience is preparing her resurrection. Benedetta is discovering the riches of her interior life. She is in the second year of high school "Bagatta" in Desenzano, when she writes in her diary: " I was questioned in Latin; every so often I couldn't understand what the teacher was asking me. What a fool I must look sometimes, but what does it matter? One day maybe I shan't understand anything other people say to me, but I shall always hear the voice of my own soul: and this is the true way that I must follow."

Benedetta chooses a life that finds its meaning and justification in the value of the spirit.

Fall 1953. After skipping the third year of high school, she enrolls at the University in Milan; she is 17 years old. Her father suggests her to enroll in Physics and Benedetta agrees, but only to please him. Soon she realizes that Physics is not for her and she decides to enroll in Medicine. "I undertook these new studies with enthusiasm. I had always dreamed of being a doctor. I want to live, fight and sacrifice myself for all mankind." She is now almost completely deaf. (University record book) . Benedetta is accompanied by her young friend Anna, who responds for her to the call up.

Her life as a University student was also destined to be a trying one, but she never gave in as we shall see later. When she happened to be confined to bed and an exam was due, her indomitable zeal prompted her even to evade the surveillance of her mother. Accompanied by her little maid Anna, who never left her, she would leave her hospital bed, take her exams, then quietly return, pretending that she had never left it.

Now completely deaf and obliged to use a cane because of a new motorial difficulty, she is preparing herself to become a doctor. The difficulties are enormous, but she has decided to persevere with all her strenght: "I would only like to get to practise, even as the least important doctor..."

1955: fundamental exam of the first two-year course of study. Benedetta is waiting for the professor to write for her the questions she can't hear anymore, but her university record book flies against the door. In the room there are students laughing. The professor shouts: "Who ever heard of a deaf doctor!" Benedetta, silently, with tears in her eyes, stands up and picks up the book. Then she approaches the doctor and humbly tells him: "I am sorry, professor, I didn't mean to offend you." To her mother asking about this exam, Benedetta responds: "The professor was good. He didn't spoil my record book with a bad mark." Thanks to the Rector, she can sit the exam again; the result is excellent and she is allowed to continue her study. (Benedetta in 1955)

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